Friday, March 27, 2009

By George, Whatever Next!

Some time ago, I entered a contest, the prize being to star alongside George Clooney in a Nespresso commercial. I never heard back from the contest organizers, so I suppose they picked someone else, which is a shame, really, because with the number of Nespressos I down per day, I was the perfect, highly caffeinate candidate.

I’ve always found Mr. Clooney rather yummy, and I’m sure that a couple of hours spent in his wobbly-headed, charming company wouldn’t be too much of a drag. Come to think of it, as anyone who has ever seen my walk can attest, wobbly heads are something George and I have in common. We’d probably look quite funny ambling down the street together, sort of like those weird little plastic dogs sometimes seen on the back window ledges of cars, but I doubt this common trait has anything to do with drinking too much coffee.

I don’t go out of my way to drink Nespresso because Mr. Clooney endorses it; like millions of other people, I have simply fallen prey to Nespresso’s fabulously practical coffee machines and am now handcuffed to the brand. And while I’m aware that the hundreds of capsules I go through every year leave a carbon footprint worthy of the Yeti’s entire family, let me assure you that my large feet carry me around the local recycling plant faster than you can read a Starbucks menu.

The other day, while zipping around the village recycling facility with yet another trunk-load of semi-sorted rubbish, I ran into one of my wackier girlfriends. There, squirming beneath the rapacious eye of the man who ensures that, since there’s a place for everything, everything’s going to be BLOODY well put into its place OR ELSE, we giggled up a zany idea. We imagined a customized Nespresso bin, with a giant, laughing George Clooney on its side. Gathered around it were throngs of women, cheerfully feeding the obliging superstar endless mouthfuls of multicolored capsules. Seriously now, could recycling get any more appealing?

Indeed it could, we un-seriously decided, shoving empty glass bottles into color coded containers, our nostrils pooh-poohing the fetid fumes of the communal compost heap. Then, while pouring used cooking oil into greasy barrels, we got completely carried away, predicting that if the credit crunch becomes any crunchier, feeding George down at the recycling plant might even turn into a choice activity for a girl’s night out. Bring a blindfold and you’ve got a grown-up version of “Pin the Tail on the Donkey”!

And while on the subject of loony (no pun intended!) recycling ideas, what were PETA (People for the Ethnic Treatment of Animals) thinking when they recently approached George Clooney with the concept of CloFu? Apparently, PETA believed that people all over the world would stampede health food shops, clamoring for tofu, if they infused it with Mr. Clooney’s Eau de Armpit. I’m supposing the idea was to get the superstar nice and sweaty, hand him a couple of towels, take them back and give them a good squeeze. The mashed soya beans would then be marinated in the precious essence, prior to being whisked away and elegantly packaged, ready to be feasted on by the star-struck masses. Thankfully, according to reliable(ish) sources (my local free newspaper), it seems that Mr. Clooney will be keeping his armpit secretions to himself.

As much as I love animals, I wouldn’t have entered a contest to star alongside George Clooney in a CloFu commercial. I can, however, picture him delivering the following tag line with a debonair, somewhat bewildered expression: “CloFu? Whatever next?”

© Francesca Prescott
March, 2009


Lindsay Townsend said...

Great fun, Francesca! 'Clo-fu, whatever next' indeed!

Isn't it strange, too, WHERE ideas come from?

Linda Banche said...

**begin snip
get the superstar nice and sweaty
**end snip

Makes you wonder how he got nice and sweaty. We hope it was in a way the readers of this blog will appreciate. **grins**

Francesca Prescott said...

Thanks, Lindsay!

When I was in China last year, we travelled in a tour bus from Shanghai to Hang Zou, a "small town" (6 million inhabitants... almost as many as the entire population of Switzerland!). Along the way (it was a four hour drive), we made a couple of stops along the motorway. As soon as the bus driver opened the door, we were all overwhelmed by the stench of tofu, I mean we were literally holding our noses! Our Chinese guides thought it was hilarious, it was like a practical joke to them; they actually call it "smelly tofu" - I think they cook it, or something. Anyway, whatever they do to it, it comes out very smelly!

So when I read that George Clooney had been approached about CloFu, I was odorously transported back to those roadside stops in China...

Talk about extreme recycling!

Francesca Prescott said...

Hi Linda,

You cheeky monkey! I just thought they'd give him a skipping rope or something... But I'm sure there are plenty of other ways for George to work up a sweat :)

Linda Banche said...

Hey Francesca,

Part of the fun of writing romance is the innuendo.

Smelly tofu. Whoever would have thought.

Francesca Prescott said...

Innuendo. What a great word that it. It's almost an innuendo in itself!


xx cesca

Laurie Schnebly Campbell said... close would I want to get to George Clooney? Fun question to ponder!

Julie Robinson said...

I just came to visit the site after Lindsay talked about it on her Author Spotlight today on The Long and Short of It. I'll have to remember to come by again. I love the pink on your website. And this post is a hoot! I don't care how yummy a guy is, even George Clooney, I just don't think I would want anything made with his 'eau de armpit' odor :-)

Bekki Lynn said...

Amazing -- great post by the way - well worth the wait.

However, my mind went a totally different direction, even though I was laughing over the recycle bin.

-- think of all the stinky cheese people eat and yet stick their noses up at armpit sweat.

Granted I wouldn't eat tofu no matter what was done to it, but then you couldn't pay me to eat cheese that smells like dirty feet. lol

Savanna Kougar said...

Francesca, indeed, what next? Enjoyed your post. I feel all sizzly fun inside imagining your scenarios.

Yeah, me and Tofu, only get along occasionally. I had a friend long ago, she moved to Washington state, anyway, she was into Tofu and made some wonderful dishes with it, because of the seasonings she used.
Tofu is really not my thing, being food sensitive to Soybeans... however, there was fake cream cheese cake made by an East Indian religious group that was one of the most heavenly things I ever tasted.

Yep, PETA and I would get into a real nasty fight if they tried to force me to eat Tofu. I guess I could send them all my health care bills... yeah...right...

Francesca Prescott said...

Hi Laurie, thanks for coming by :) I hope you enjoyed pondering...!
xx Cesca

Francesca Prescott said...

Hello Julie,

We're delighted you came for a potter around our pink side of the world!

Come back soon. Now that I've got CloFu off my chest, this will probably be an "eau de armpit" free zone for a while!

xx Francesca

Francesca Prescott said...

Hello Bekki!

I promise you that even the stinkiest of cheeses is nowhere near as stinky as the smelly tofu I experienced in Shanghai!

I eat some smelly cheeses (well, I do live in cheese-land!), but the power of the pong can get a little too much sometimes. Raclette (a melted cheese, eaten with potatoes) is delicious, but I hardly ever make it as the house reeks for days afterwards. Better to enjoy it in restaurants!

xx Francesca

Francesca Prescott said...

Hi Savanna,

That's the thing about cooking with unfamiliar ingredients, isn't it - we're not quite sure what to do with them. I have a friend who is semi-vegetarian (she can't seem to make up her mind!) who cooks the most amazing dishes with things I never think of picking up in the grocery store. I should probably be a little more adventurous... What do you like to cook? What sort of dishes do you make when you have people for dinner? If your dishes match your words, your guests must be all floaty-swoony after dessert!

xx Cesca

Lindsay Townsend said...

Hi Julie!
Glad you come over to have a look at us here! We do have lots of interesting pieces on romance, America, South Africa, Switzerland, England, hair, men's clothing, painting chandeliers ... the list goes on!

Welcome to Laure, too!

Super post, Francesca!

Lindsay Townsend said...

Sorry, LAURIE!
Welcome to you also.
Sorry about miss-spelling your name - I'm afraid spelling is not my strong point.
Hangs head.

Keena Kincaid said...

Sadly, CloFu might be the one thing that could put me off George. Great blog!

Francesca Prescott said...

Keena, I bet he's relieved he said no!

Thanks for reading :)

xx Cesca

Laurie Schnebly Campbell said...

Lindsay, don't worry about the spelling -- I actually think "Laure" looks cool, more European.

Hmm, must look into moving!

Mona Risk said...

I laughed so hard. Thank you Francesca. I think I would brave the Tofu smell for good old George. I survived the cooking smell of tofu and spices last fall in Vietnam, so for George Clooney. Yes, yes. After all, I chose him as a model for my hero in Babies in the Bargain and I didn't have a chance to thank him yet.

Savanna Kougar said...

Francesca, I do make floaty-swoony desserts!
I enjoy cooking/baking a lot of different dishes and cuisines... not on a schedule, though.
However, I'm kinda out in the middle of nowhere for any kind of entertaining.

Anything you adore making regularly?

Francesca Prescott said...

Mona, I'm sure he's very flattered about being the inspiration for the hero in "Babies in the Bargain". I'm so envious that you visited Vietnam, it's one of the places I'd love to travel to. My trip to China was only 5 days! I went with my husband on business. It was exciting, but I didn't see enough, only got a flavour. And a whiff of smelly tofu!

xx Francesca

Francesca Prescott said...

Hi Savanna,

I'm an ok-ish cook. I only enjoy cooking when I have time, and even then I have to be in the mood. I have a preference for Italian food; I love risotto...but all that stirring can get a bit tedious!

xx cesca

Lindsay Townsend said...

Thanks, Laurie!

Best wishes, Lindsay

Jami Davenport said...

Francesca, I for one, wish you had won that contest. Darn it. Keep trying. I know your destiny is doing a coffee commercial with George Clooney.

Jennifer Roland said...

Nespresso? What is that?

Francesca Prescott said...

Hello Jami,

Shall I call you to co-star with me in the coffee commerical with George when the time comes?! I'm sure he wouldn't mind!

xx cesca

Francesca Prescott said...

Hi Jennifer! Sorry if my post wasn't clear. Here in Europe, Nespresso is everywhere,so I just assumed it would be all over the rest of the world as well. It is a coffee brand, developped by Nestlé, and comes in the form of capsules that fit into coffee machines designed exclusively for the brand. They are mega practical, and come in various colours depending on what type of coffee you like. George Clooney stars in all the Nespresso commercials and the tag-line is "Nespresso, what else?". We even have a Nespresso boutique on one of Geneva's most prestigious streets!

Hope this helped!
xx Francesca